Brokenness and Faith

I think I'm in love with Derek Webb.
These lyrics are sang by Jesus to me:
I am my beloved's
And my beloved's mine
So you bring all your history
I'll bring the bread and wine
And we'll have us a party
Where all the drinks are on me
And as surely as the rising sun
You will be set free

I think this one might be a long post (so be ready)

For the last few weeks I have been looking for a word to help me describe how I have been feeling. I think I'm a word guy. I need to be able to describe something accurately to other people. But for the last few weeks I have not been able to place my finger on the word that I have been looking for. Sad didn't hit it. Depressed sounded like I was in my bedroom with the lights off eating cake and ice cream. Finally I had a conversation with Matt Worthington. He used the word BROKEN. And I finally had my descriptor.

I think people pray for brokenness too loosely. Because I don't think they actually understand what would happen if God granted their request. The same is true with faith. We ask for more faith, but if God actually gave us more faith, the consequences would be devastating. If you had more faith, you would sell all of your car, your savings account, and your stocks and bonds and give the money to the poor. That's what the rich young ruler was supposed to do. I am no better than he.

Having more faith would mean that you probably would quit your job and join the ministry. I don't mean the church in middle-class Kansas. I mean you would go to Louisiana and live there helping people until there was no more help. You would not worry about money, you would not fight with people, you would not walk by a person saying "I should probably help them" but for no reason keep on walking.

Brokenness hurts. Faith is scary. I'm terrified to actually ask for either. Because then my life might be....something.