Making Old Ladies Cry...

I'm learning that words have a lot of weight to them. That may appear as an obvious statement, but previous to about 3 weeks ago, I never really grasped that. Lately I've been noticing the importance of meaning what you say, and saying what you mean. (cliche, I know).

Here are my examples. I was doing my Monday volunteering at Mercy. The usual experience is me walking into a room where an elderly man or woman has been staying for the past week or so. I sit down, make small talk about politics or the weather, ask about their religious beliefs and then ask if I can pray with them. After that I usually, tell them thank you and then head off to the next room. But today different. I did my usual procedure with an elderly lady. Her husband was asleep in the room so we were whispering. I held her hand to pray with her and closed my eyes. I said a normal prayer, asking God to help her in her situation, asking for guidance and a special blessing on her life. When I opened my eyes I found her bawling. The waterworks started up, and at first I felt extremely pleased with myself. (I had brought this lady to tears, wow good prayer!!) But as the tears didn't leave and her husband woke up, I started to wonder if I had done more harm than good. She was crying so hard that I could not make out anything she was saying. I eased the husbands worriedness and talked with him for a while as the lady continued to cry. Even after I left (30 minutes later) she was still crying. As I was leaving after a few more visits one of the nurses stopped me and asked what had happened. Apparently she was still crying more than an hour later. The nurse told me that I had said something that just caused her to become very emotional.

Even now I do not know what I said. I don't know what words I had used that made such an impact. I don't even know if I had hurt this lady more than helped her. But it reiterated the fact that there are weight to words.

Growing up I've never really put much weight to my own words. I would say things to girls because they seemed like good things to say, not necessarily because I really meant them. I tell people that I want to do something and then don't follow through with it. I tell myself that I'm going to accomplish such and such and then put it off for as long as possible.

I want to be known as a man who word is valid. Someone who people know when I say something, I mean it. Right now, I don't think I am that man.

sometimes the reality of life hits you...

Every once in a while I have moments of reality. For the most part I just do my day to day life and I don't think about things. But every once in a while, I am blessed with a moment of reality. That happened tonight as I spent the evening with Blake. We were talking about the real stuff of life. No more of the surfacy, not fake, but surfacy stuff. Instead, we got to experience true openness and vulnerability.

I hope that you have someone who can be vulnerable before. Someone who allows you to bear your soul, beyond have a good time with. I guess that's what the real stuff of life is made of, honesty and openness.

To the majority that read this, I bet I get a few head nods and then you will move on to the next blog or facebook note. But to those who know exactly what I'm saying, who know what it's like to yearn for openness and reality, who either know what it's like to bear themselves or wish they had someone like that to bear themselves before; to you, I want to thank you. Thank you for being real with your life. For searching for the right things and not getting too lost in the surface.

I find myself attracted to the REAL. I found that in Oxford. I found that in New Orleans. I want to find that here in Manhattan. And I found that tonight with Blake. If I tag you, then I have found REAL in you, and I love it. Thank you for that REALITY.