Time...is on my side...oh yes it is....

So I started a new practice. I write down everything I do in the day in a time log. Yeah, I know. Every single 30-minute slot is filled with whatever I do that day. The entire exercise does nothing but make me feel bad about myself. Things that take up my time:

1. Television (there will be like 4 hour blocks...it's really sad)
2. Facebook/Blogspot (like right now...this very moment will be documented)
3. Sleep (my average time is 3:30am)
4. Hanging out with friends (this i'm proud of. Starkey, you're in there with kids in the hall, laurens, you both are in there too. Everyone I hang out with is in there, it's cool to look back and see)
5. Showers (it's crazy how many showers i take a day...the record now is 4...wow)

This whole thing makes me feel worthless because of how I spend my time. I need to have more discipline...hmm....well i'm off to procrastinate more...see ya!

A Question to the Blogspot/Facebook World...

How do you stop analyzing? I've tried to stop analyzing my life/my God/my friends/my relationships for the past 3 months straight and I can't do it. Every time I end with the conclusion that I'm more lost than when I started.

And try and steer clear of the unchristical responses...

See Life as a House...

Saw it for the first time 5 days ago. Bought it 4 days ago. Seen it twice since. (you could call me obsessive....but I like passionate better). Anyway, see this movie. Life as a House. So good. So inspiring. Makes me want to get a handle on my chaotic life. O wait...i've been trying for the last 21 years. Work in progress. I guess it's time to throw out the ruined canvas and start a new picture....

Christian Catch Phrases...

I am going to come up with a new word/phrase that will mean, "what you have just said is not practical and only sounds good." Is there already a word like that? For example...if a person says that God will lift them out of their sadness, or let God worry about your future, or my personal favorite, just lay it at the feet of the cross, there is little/no actual good from it. It only sounds like the Christian thing to say.

I had a conversation with one of my friends and he kept telling me to 'give it up to Jesus.' I know what he is saying, "I'm a Christian and I've heard this phrase a thousand times and it seems to fit in this situation" But I think i'm starting to lose it when I keep hearing all of these Christian catch phrases.

The word I am currently using to describe this sort of talk is unchristicality. Meaning Unpractical Christianity. I like the word. Unchristicality. I hear unchristical things in sermons, on facebook notes, and from my own mouth. It's really making me mad. So the next time someone comes to you for advice, don't say the unchristical thing. Say what you REALLY think.

Like a Virgin...

A friend of mine recently told me that he lost his virginity. He told me that he knew he was going to marry this girl, so that it wasn't that big of a deal. He regrets it, wishes he would have chosen different, but is at peace. I wish I could the same for myself. Ever since he talked to me I have been constantly thinking about it. I feel incredibly lucky to be the person that I am and lucky to find myself still a virgin after all the mistakes of my past.

My friend said the he 'knew' he was going to marry the girl. I find it interesting the things that we know. "1500 years ago, everyone knew that the Earth was the center of the universe. 500 years ago, everyone knew that the Earth was flat....Imagine what you'll 'know' tomorrow." In my own life, 8 years ago I knew I would never do 'that' sin again, 5 years ago I knew I would be a youth minister, and 3 months ago I knew who I was going to marry.

Life doesn't turn out like you thought it would. I cannot believe I keep coming back to this stupid movie, The Weatherman. I have yet to find another person who likes the movie, in fact I dont' know if I like it. But it struck a nerve. I guess I can relate. A guy just couldn't grip it. He couldn't knuckle down on his life. Maybe that's not such a bad thing. Maybe I'm not supposed to knuckle down in my life. Maybe that's what reliance on God really means. To stop trying to have everything work out and fit. Maybe...

So here's my conclusion. My ending statements. I know a lot of things. I know who I am. I know who my friends are. I know what I like to drink and eat and read. But all of these things can change. Just because I know them doesn't make them firm. But beliefs....those you cannot take from me. I believe that Jesus is more than a way to make my life better. I believe that Jesus can do so many more things with me, if only I had the faith. And I believe that my life is really messed up and that I don't have everything together, and that is why I believe I need a savior.

So I know some things. And I believe others. I'd rather believe than know any day of the week.